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– Today in our world we have a loneliness epidemic

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that is new, unfathomable, almost unexplainable.

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How come people are so lonely, so alone?

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Why have we got more lonely old people than ever before?

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More lonely teenagers than ever before?

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More depression, more anxiety,

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more young kids who actually feel suicidal

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because they are all alone?

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Because social media is never going to wrap

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their arms around you and make you feel better

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the way a real, physical person can.

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We’re living in a world today where we are all confusing

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online connection with real connection.

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Today, only 56% of teenagers

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have ever been on a real physical date,

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compared to 85% in the previous generations.

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We’ve also got other studies that show

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that one in three couples break up

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due to social media disagreements.

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When we look at these studies,

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we really have to examine the impact

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our online behavior is having on our real lives

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and especially on our real relationships.

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So a lot of people believe that social media

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is the savior of relationships.

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With dating apps, we can finally find someone,

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and there may be some truth in that,

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but a lot of dating apps don’t work.

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They allow people to have so many different possibilities

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that they never really connect.

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They swipe and reject for really superficial reasons.

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And so what’s happening with a whole generation

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is that they no longer can connect.

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They connect on FaceTime, they connect on dating apps,

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but they don’t connect in real life.

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They don’t actually know how to have relationships anymore.

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And social media also allows us to compare ourselves

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with these false images.

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Many, many people putting their picture on a dating profile,

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it’s not even them,

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and if it is them, it is so heavily Photoshopped.

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And so we have this problem going on

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that social media is distorting our ability to connect.

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Getting likes is not bonding.

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That’s not real, that is fake.

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Getting people to like a picture of you

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that doesn’t even really look like you,

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that is 10 years old,

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or has been Photoshopped or altered,

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or it happened to be a really good one.

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When people connect to that, they are not connecting to you.

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Real connection is when your friends love you

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with all your flaws,

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your partner sees you with red eyes and a runny nose,

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because you’re sick, and makes you soup or looks after you.

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That is real connection.

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And we now have a generation

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that don’t understand connection.

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They don’t even talk on the phone.

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They WhatsApp, they text,

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but they don’t ever leave messages.

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And when you don’t speak on the phone,

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you miss all the little tones

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in someone’s voice that you can read.

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And we all know that you can spend ages

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talking to someone online,

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and one phone call says, „Oh no.”

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Or maybe, „Oh yes.”

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So although we are seeing social media

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as an ability to get people together,

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it actually disconnects.

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And here’s the truth,

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when we are born on the planet,

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we must find connection and avoid rejection

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because that is how we survive.

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We survive by connecting to people

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and avoiding being rejected.

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And many years ago, survival was very much a numbers game

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but we really haven’t changed.

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Babies know, „I must connect.”

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And I’m always amazed when people say,

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„Yeah, I’ve got a virtual babysitter.”

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Or, „I read my kid a story at night on WhatsApp

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because I’m on the other side of the country.”

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Or, „I have a baby cam and I’m at work,

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and I talk to my baby through the camera.”

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But it’s not the same.

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We need real relationships, real hugs,

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real conversation, real eye contact,

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real voices, real people.

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And while there’s some good in dating apps,

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you can say, „Okay, I’m in a job.”

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Or maybe, „I’m in an all-female office,

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or an all male office,”

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or maybe, „I’m in a bank

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and I’m not allowed to date at work.

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I can find someone else.”

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That’s true, but in order to find someone else,

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you need to look for someone who is real,

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and you’d ask yourself real questions.

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„Is this person real?”

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„Are they genuine?”

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„Are they authentic?”

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„Are they warm?”

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„Do we share the same interests?”

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Don’t look for what weight they are, what shape they are,

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what job they are, what salary they have.

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You need to make real connections with real people.

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And if you are using dating apps, it’s okay,

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but you need to meet those people

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as soon as you possibly can.

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You can speak online a couple of times, but meet.

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I meet people who say, „I spent two years

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„talking to this guy, then I met him,

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„and was like, ‘Oh no, no, no no.'”

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„I spent a year and a half talking to this girl.

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„She turned up and it was like, ‘No.'”

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But that’s a huge waste.

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If I interview people online,

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and I’ve interviewed lots of people online,

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it’s very useful initially,

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but I have to meet them face-to-face.

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I have to meet them, see them,

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really connect to them before I can employ them.

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So you have to get over using social media

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as the only way to meet people.

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To date someone, to employ someone, to get to know someone.

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It will never ever compare

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to meeting real people in the flesh.

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My mother was a great example of the benefit

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and not benefits of social media.

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She could talk to her grandchildren all over the world.

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She actually loved Zoom and FaceTime

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because she could speak, and that was very good,

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but at social gatherings, every grandchild,

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every niece, every nephew was on the phone,

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and she always said that, „You know, I don’t have a phone.

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„I can’t do that.”

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She felt very left out.

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She’d go to a family event,

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and the young generation all had their iPads out,

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their phones out, they were taking pictures of the food,

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texting each other across the table.

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One niece would text one nephew in the same room.

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And I saw how she was very, very disconnected

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because she wasn’t talking to her extended family

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because they were talking to each other on WhatsApp.

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One of the reasons that eating disorders are on the rise

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in a younger generation, even amongst young guys,

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and one of the reasons self-harming is on the rise

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and depression and anxiety,

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is because that generation are exposed every day

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to false images of perfection.

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They go online and think, „Oh, all these people have got

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fat hair and thin thighs,

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but I’ve got thin hair and fat thighs,

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so therefore, I don’t count.”

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Yes, you do.

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We look at everyone else, they look better in their clothes,

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they’re more trendy, more witty,

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they’re having better holidays,

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they seem to have more money,

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they seem to have everything better,

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it’s not real.

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One of the things I really don’t like

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is when you see a celebrity whose just had a baby

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turn up in this pair of skintight jeans,

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and a little tank top, going,

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„Hey, look at me, I had a baby,

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and I’m the perfect size two again.”

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But that’s not true, it’s Photoshop.

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They’ve had staff who’ve looked after the baby,

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made them juices, maybe they’ve worked out a lot.

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Their hair and makeup look great

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because they have an army of staff behind them.

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And for someone else,

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who’s gone home with a brand new baby

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and still has to do the laundry, the dishes,

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look after another baby, they can’t compare.

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And that’s what I actively dislike about social media.

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You compare yourself to images that are fake.

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That aren’t real.

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We are all influenced by social media.

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Even though we don’t know it,

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our minds are being rewired through social media,

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but there is an answer.

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If you want to rewire your mind

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in a better, more productive, real way,

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just click the link below

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and you can listen to my new audio.

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It’s called ‘Overcoming Social Media Addiction’

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using hypnosis.

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Beause we’re all hypnotized every day anyway.

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And instead of being sent to sleep,

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this will wake you up to what’s going on in your world,

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in your life, and how you can take your power back

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and have real relationships with real people,

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which, after all, is the absolute one thing

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that will guarantee your happiness.

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Our relationships with others,

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our real interactions with others

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are the things that make us happy.

English (United States)

 

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