– Today in our world we have a loneliness epidemic
that is new, unfathomable, almost unexplainable.
How come people are so lonely, so alone?
Why have we got more lonely old people than ever before?
More lonely teenagers than ever before?
More depression, more anxiety,
more young kids who actually feel suicidal
because they are all alone?
Because social media is never going to wrap
their arms around you and make you feel better
the way a real, physical person can.
We’re living in a world today where we are all confusing
online connection with real connection.
Today, only 56% of teenagers
have ever been on a real physical date,
compared to 85% in the previous generations.
We’ve also got other studies that show
that one in three couples break up
due to social media disagreements.
When we look at these studies,
we really have to examine the impact
our online behavior is having on our real lives
and especially on our real relationships.
So a lot of people believe that social media
is the savior of relationships.
With dating apps, we can finally find someone,
and there may be some truth in that,
but a lot of dating apps don’t work.
They allow people to have so many different possibilities
that they never really connect.
They swipe and reject for really superficial reasons.
And so what’s happening with a whole generation
is that they no longer can connect.
They connect on FaceTime, they connect on dating apps,
but they don’t connect in real life.
They don’t actually know how to have relationships anymore.
And social media also allows us to compare ourselves
with these false images.
Many, many people putting their picture on a dating profile,
it’s not even them,
and if it is them, it is so heavily Photoshopped.
And so we have this problem going on
that social media is distorting our ability to connect.
Getting likes is not bonding.
That’s not real, that is fake.
Getting people to like a picture of you
that doesn’t even really look like you,
that is 10 years old,
or has been Photoshopped or altered,
or it happened to be a really good one.
When people connect to that, they are not connecting to you.
Real connection is when your friends love you
with all your flaws,
your partner sees you with red eyes and a runny nose,
because you’re sick, and makes you soup or looks after you.
That is real connection.
And we now have a generation
that don’t understand connection.
They don’t even talk on the phone.
They WhatsApp, they text,
but they don’t ever leave messages.
And when you don’t speak on the phone,
you miss all the little tones
in someone’s voice that you can read.
And we all know that you can spend ages
talking to someone online,
and one phone call says, „Oh no.”
Or maybe, „Oh yes.”
So although we are seeing social media
as an ability to get people together,
it actually disconnects.
And here’s the truth,
when we are born on the planet,
we must find connection and avoid rejection
because that is how we survive.
We survive by connecting to people
and avoiding being rejected.
And many years ago, survival was very much a numbers game
but we really haven’t changed.
Babies know, „I must connect.”
And I’m always amazed when people say,
„Yeah, I’ve got a virtual babysitter.”
Or, „I read my kid a story at night on WhatsApp
because I’m on the other side of the country.”
Or, „I have a baby cam and I’m at work,
and I talk to my baby through the camera.”
But it’s not the same.
We need real relationships, real hugs,
real conversation, real eye contact,
real voices, real people.
And while there’s some good in dating apps,
you can say, „Okay, I’m in a job.”
Or maybe, „I’m in an all-female office,
or an all male office,”
or maybe, „I’m in a bank
and I’m not allowed to date at work.
I can find someone else.”
That’s true, but in order to find someone else,
you need to look for someone who is real,
and you’d ask yourself real questions.
„Is this person real?”
„Are they genuine?”
„Are they authentic?”
„Are they warm?”
„Do we share the same interests?”
Don’t look for what weight they are, what shape they are,
what job they are, what salary they have.
You need to make real connections with real people.
And if you are using dating apps, it’s okay,
but you need to meet those people
as soon as you possibly can.
You can speak online a couple of times, but meet.
I meet people who say, „I spent two years
„talking to this guy, then I met him,
„and was like, ‘Oh no, no, no no.'”
„I spent a year and a half talking to this girl.
„She turned up and it was like, ‘No.'”
But that’s a huge waste.
If I interview people online,
and I’ve interviewed lots of people online,
it’s very useful initially,
but I have to meet them face-to-face.
I have to meet them, see them,
really connect to them before I can employ them.
So you have to get over using social media
as the only way to meet people.
To date someone, to employ someone, to get to know someone.
It will never ever compare
to meeting real people in the flesh.
My mother was a great example of the benefit
and not benefits of social media.
She could talk to her grandchildren all over the world.
She actually loved Zoom and FaceTime
because she could speak, and that was very good,
but at social gatherings, every grandchild,
every niece, every nephew was on the phone,
and she always said that, „You know, I don’t have a phone.
„I can’t do that.”
She felt very left out.
She’d go to a family event,
and the young generation all had their iPads out,
their phones out, they were taking pictures of the food,
texting each other across the table.
One niece would text one nephew in the same room.
And I saw how she was very, very disconnected
because she wasn’t talking to her extended family
because they were talking to each other on WhatsApp.
One of the reasons that eating disorders are on the rise
in a younger generation, even amongst young guys,
and one of the reasons self-harming is on the rise
and depression and anxiety,
is because that generation are exposed every day
to false images of perfection.
They go online and think, „Oh, all these people have got
fat hair and thin thighs,
but I’ve got thin hair and fat thighs,
so therefore, I don’t count.”
Yes, you do.
We look at everyone else, they look better in their clothes,
they’re more trendy, more witty,
they’re having better holidays,
they seem to have more money,
they seem to have everything better,
it’s not real.
One of the things I really don’t like
is when you see a celebrity whose just had a baby
turn up in this pair of skintight jeans,
and a little tank top, going,
„Hey, look at me, I had a baby,
and I’m the perfect size two again.”
But that’s not true, it’s Photoshop.
They’ve had staff who’ve looked after the baby,
made them juices, maybe they’ve worked out a lot.
Their hair and makeup look great
because they have an army of staff behind them.
And for someone else,
who’s gone home with a brand new baby
and still has to do the laundry, the dishes,
look after another baby, they can’t compare.
And that’s what I actively dislike about social media.
You compare yourself to images that are fake.
That aren’t real.
We are all influenced by social media.
Even though we don’t know it,
our minds are being rewired through social media,
but there is an answer.
If you want to rewire your mind
in a better, more productive, real way,
just click the link below
and you can listen to my new audio.
It’s called ‘Overcoming Social Media Addiction’
Beause we’re all hypnotized every day anyway.
And instead of being sent to sleep,
this will wake you up to what’s going on in your world,
in your life, and how you can take your power back
and have real relationships with real people,
which, after all, is the absolute one thing
that will guarantee your happiness.
Our relationships with others,
our real interactions with others
are the things that make us happy.
English (United States)